Introduction
Wake up Lakers! It’s time to learn about the French Revolution—a topic that will be instrumental to the rest of your high school career. The next time you head to a social function, be sure to pull out some fascinating French Revolution facts!
This will be the first iteration (and probably the last) of two wildly successful scholars discussing the complexities of European history. (It just so happens that this article was written the day before Mr. Ziccardi’s unit test, a wholly unrelated detail.) Coming to you live from two renowned academics is a full breakdown of this historical event.
Prof. Andreana, can you tell us about French common folk?
Andreana
Thanks for the introduction! The French Revolution actually started in part because, much like myself after this week (Mr. Ayhan, please spare me), the French people were on their final straw (Lee, 2023). 18th century France was divided by the Estates System. Within this hierarchy, 97% of the population belonged to the Third Estate; its subjects were extremely diverse and included doctors, lawyers, peasants, and the bourgeoisie. Even though these people owned very little property and had virtually no representation in the French government, they carried the burden of paying all the country’s taxes. Their load was exacerbated by King Louis XIV’s deficit spending, which sank the country into irreversible debt. This kind of reminds me of how MLHS students, despite making up the majority of the school’s population, are subjected to the unending torture of their teachers on a daily! When’s the Laker Revolution? (We ride at dawn 🏇.)
So what happens when the debt reaches a point of no return? Divya, take it away.
Divya
Well, in 1783, Charles-Alexander de Calonne became Controller General of Finance to King Louis XVI. However, his attempt to reform France’s financial structure was an utter failure, and Louis XVI had no other choice but to revive the Estate-General, an assembly that had not convened for 160 years. Representatives from all estates were packing their little pantaloons and tailcoats, making their way to the lovely Palace of Versailles to discuss the current status of France’s failing economy (Ranganathan, 2023). At this meeting, however, concerns were already drawn over the way in which they’d vote; while the 3rd Estate wished for voting to be done by head, the 1st and 2nd Estates opted for votes by Estate, giving them an obvious advantage. Who would’ve thought, the two highest Estates ganging up on the little guy? Such a shame. Anyway, the 3rd Estate was not having it (Ranganathan, 2023), and they agreed to form their congression called the National Assembly. After days of meeting in a separate room in the oh-so-vast Palace, one day, they got locked out. Why would someone lock them out of that room when God knows how many other rooms were available in the building? I couldn’t tell you. But in the face of adversity, the 3rd Estate prevails. They reconvened in the indoor tennis court (be real) and swore that this assembly would only separate once a constitution was drafted.
Andreana
Luckily for them, they succeeded! Unluckily for us, the new constitution was called the Declaration of the Rights of the Man and of the Citizen, which is bad enough to say aloud and even worse to write by hand in an LEQ. This document enumerated the political rights of French citizens—who were previously mere subjects of the king—and, having contained many of the same principles as the recently drafted United States Constitution, it would’ve had an appalling Turnitin score. The ideas proposed by the French constitution were radical for the time. They called for the termination of the Old Regime or the sociopolitical system in which the Third Estate suffered at the hands of the First and Second. Even though the revolutionaries all thought this was pretty neat (Lee, 2023), a subsequent debate erupted within the National Assembly: should the French people stick with their monarchy or opt for a more radical republic? Instead of settling this through a game of rock-paper-scissors like men, they entered a second phase of the Revolution that was characterized by the indiscriminate massacre of thousands of men, women, and children. Oopsie!
But before we get into that—Divya, can you tell me what the citizens were up to around this time?
Divya
Of course I can! I am, after all, an acclaimed European history scholar. The common folk were pretty busy, actually. While the super-smart Estates-Generals were taking care of business at Versailles, on July 14, 1789, the revolutionary peasants attempted to storm and seize the Bastille, a political prison and armory, to obtain the weaponry stored there and to symbolize the end of unreasonable royal authority. They also killed the royal governor, which was pretty cool. Along with this, a horde of Parisian women marched all the way to Versailles on October 5, 1789, begging the king to send bread to the starving children in Paris and for them to move back to Paris and see the miserable peasants on the streets. In this march, many heads were cut off and put on pikes. Awkward. This is probably where the quote “Let them eat cake” was said to come from; however, as an accomplished history scholar, I must break the news to you readers and confirm this is false. The monarchy did eventually listen to their cries and moved back to Paris the next day, as well as send the famished peasants a very moderate amount of bread, definitely not enough to sustain the thousands of dying children.
Now, Andreana, what were you saying about this “second phase”?
Andreana
I agree, Divya. I could’ve finished that bread in one afternoon.
The National Assembly was soon dominated by the radical Jacobin party. In 1792, France was declared a republic, and a new policy of dechristianization took place. The radical government resolved to eliminate any vestiges of the Catholic Church, including churches (surprise), Saints Days, and the Gregorian calendar. Maximilien Robespierre, who had a sick name but a weak jaw, carried out the infamous Reign of Terror. Anyone who opposed the ideals of the Revolution was sentenced to death and killed to death by the deadly guillotine. If you were unlucky enough to live in a counterrevolutionary city, you were basically screwed—regardless of how innocent or young or cool you were (Lee, 2023). I probably could’ve survived, though. Fittingly, the Reign of Terror ended with Robespierre’s execution by guillotine. The French people were fed up for the final time; no Frenchman was that angry again until the chef guy tried to kill Remy in Ratatouille. That was brutal.
The French Revolution did a lot of stuff globally (Lee, 2023) that Google can tell you about because Divya and I have to get going. Dissertations to write, classes to teach, you know how it is. Until next time, Lakers—and don’t forget, if you’re ever looking for a show-stopping party trick, be sure to bring up your extensive knowledge of the French Revolution.
Divya
WE DON’T CARE ABOUT COMMON FOLK!! (Ziccardi, 2023)
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