Have you ever been in a relationship where you struggled to feel loved? Do you have friends who have difficulty accepting your appreciation toward them? Understanding your primary love languages and the love languages of those around you is the best way to avoid this. The Five Love Languages ® organization offers a quick and easy quiz that you can take to discover what vessel of love makes you feel the most appreciated.
This quiz will reveal to you which of the five love languages—physical touch, quality time, gift giving, words of affirmation, and acts of service—speak to you the most. Bear in mind that your love language for receiving may not align perfectly with your love language for giving. An individual may feel most loved when someone speaks kindly to them but simultaneously wants to show their love for someone by giving gifts. It is important to understand that this test only tells you which love language you prefer to receive.
How do love languages develop? There are a variety of theories on this. Many of them have to do with childhood; perhaps what someone experienced the most as a child translates to what type of love makes them feel the most comfortable and nostalgic later in life. On the other hand, some people believe the type of love someone desired most in their early years but failed to receive becomes their primary love language since they never felt fully satisfied. Some theories are less about what someone had vs lacked and center around things such as culture and family norms, past experiences in relationships, and quite simply innate preferences. Our favorite theory is that what you receive most in your childhood determines how you show others love, and what you lack is what you crave later in life (Conklin and Lee ™).
With that being said, in this article, we will do a deep dive into each of the love languages, what they mean, and how to receive/give love if you or someone in your life identifies strongly with one of the five categories.
Physical Touch:
People who prefer physical touch desire having their hands held, being physically close to their partner, receiving hugs/massages, and many other forms of physical connection. If this is your primary love language, you may be someone who enjoys cuddling during a movie, dancing to a favorite song with your partner, holding hands under the dinner table, and other similar gestures. If you are in a relationship with one of these people, you can help them feel loved by making small gestures that bring you closer together physically; a little bit goes a long way, even if this just means brushing your leg against theirs as an act of comfort and reassurance. If you enjoy physical touch, it is important to communicate to your partner which gestures mean the most to you and keep in mind each other’s boundaries.
Quality Time:
Although quality time may seem a little more vague than physical touch, it’s quite simple; someone who enjoys quality time feels the most loved when you go out of your way to set aside time to be in their presence and spend time together. They desire meaningful conversations, undivided attention, eye contact, and meaningful/thought-out dates. This does not mean a constant and suffocating shower of attention, but rather taking the time when you are available to truly focus on them without distractions. This shouldn’t feel overwhelming; focus on giving them high-quality time as opposed to a large quantity of it. If you resonate with this love language, you may find it important that your partner is willing to go on outings with you, whether that means a one-on-one dinner date or something as simple as going to the grocery store.
Gift Giving:
Individuals whose love language is gift-giving are viewed as signs of love and devotion. While some may view this love language as materialistic, it is important to remember that not all gifts are valued off of money. Most people with these love languages simply view thoughtful, inexpensive, homemade gifts as symbols of love and affection. Gifts may also serve as a physical reminder of the love that their significant other has for them. Whether it’s a necklace that they wear every day or a stuffed animal that sits on their bed each night, gifts can stand as a symbol of the love they feel in their relationship. For them, a well-chosen gift is not about the price but about the sentiment and effort behind it. Whether it’s a grand gesture or a small everyday token, thoughtful gifts are a way to strengthen relationships and show understanding of loved ones.
Words of Affirmation:
People who like words of affirmation feel loved when someone verbally expresses to them their praise, appreciation, or feelings toward them. If you are in a relationship with someone who desires love in the form of words, doing things like reminding them of your feelings for them, sending them text-message-updates of your day, writing letters to them for them to reread, or simply complimenting them can mean a lot. For these people, actions really DON’T speak louder than words. Keep in mind that simply speaking how you feel should always be balanced with proof in your actions, but being conscious of how often you affirm your love for these types of people can further your bond with them.
Acts of Service:
Those who favor acts of service feel most loved when action is taken to help them in meaningful ways, making them feel appreciated and loved. If your partner’s love language is an act of service, helping them with their small, everyday tasks is a great way of showing affection and gratitude for them. Whether it’s running an errand, cooking a meal, or offering active support during a stressful time, these acts of service speak volumes for them. This love language is not just about doing chores around the house but rather recognizing your loved one’s needs and taking the initiative to assist without being asked. For these individuals, love is not just about words but actions that show you care.
Why is it important to understand your love languages?
As relationships flourish and grow, it’s important to be aware of not only your own love languages but also your partner’s. It is only when you take the time to truly understand your partner’s love language that they can feel unconditionally loved and cherished in your relationship. There is no “one size fits all” approach when it comes to relationships. Adapting and adjusting to suit your loved one’s desires calls for time and dedication. The possibility exists that your natural giving love language may not line up with your loved one’s receiving love language. Adapting and adjusting to suit your loved one’s desires calls for time and dedication; you may be thinking, “It’s too much work to learn another language,” but rest assured that your loved ones will appreciate any time and dedication you put into furthering your understanding of them.
Just as it is important for you to understand your loved one’s love language(s), it is equally important for you to recognize your own! Just as in all aspects of a relationship, communication is key. By communicating your own needs and desires to your partner, you can help them better understand how to make you feel valued and loved. Oftentimes, in relationships, we can overlook our own needs and prioritize others around us. While thoughtful, it is extremely important to remember that there are two sides to a relationship. Both partners are equal members of any connection, and both people’s happiness can be prioritized at the same time.
Understanding love languages is a powerful tool for building stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Through recognizing both your own and your loved one’s preferred ways of giving/receiving love, deeper connections can flourish in the relationship. Love is not a one-size-fits all experience, learning to express it in healthy ways takes patience, effort, and intentionality. Whether it’s through your words, time, touch, gifts, or actions, showing love in a way that speaks directly and specifically to your loved one’s heart can create long-lasting bonds and transform your relationship. Ultimately, love languages unite us as a key to meaningful connections with empathy, communication, and a willingness to meet each other where we need.
0
0
Average Rating